Start Somewhere
by pitchblackmoonlight
Summary: This is my first ever fanfic, i would really really appreciate feedback on whether to continue to write or not. The story of Severus Snape and Remus Lupin. SLASH. The summary is more detailed inside!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: These charcters are not mine, nor are any of the places. If Sevvy and Remy were mine, they'd still be alive :'(**

**This is my first ever attempt at, well writing, really so if you think it's worth me continuing or you think the story is rubbish and i shouldn't be allowed near paper please just leave me a little comment and i'll be your personal slave forever lol**

**I do have a lot of ideas so if I get a positive response I plan to go through all of their time at Hogwarts and onto their time over Harry's years.**

**Summary: This is the story of Severus Snape and Remus Lupin, two young boys in Hogwarts school trying to fit in and finding one another. They develop feelings for each other, but can they turn into something more?**

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**Chapter 1: Start Somewhere**

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**As soon as the words 'a project in pairs' left the Potions Master's mouth, Remus beamed with excitement. This was the kind of opportunity he had been waiting months for. James and Sirius always worked together, without fail. Peter had particular trouble in the subject and received extra help from the professor instead of working solely with another student. Most students already had someone that they were friends with to work with in Potions. Remus, however, had nobody else he was close to aside from James, Sirius and Peter and one person he craved to be close to.

"Mr Snape, you haven't got a partner, have you?" Professor Slughorn sweept the room quickly with his eyes and spotted Remus, very much alone. "Ahh you can partner with Mr Lupin! Mr Lupin, over here please!"

Remus tried to hide the wide smile that was threatening to surface on his face as he sat himself next to a dark-haired, pale boy with a perfected sneer on his face. Everyone saw Severus Snape as unfriendly, nasty, ugly, snarky and a loner. Remus, however, saw straight through his superficial analysis of the boy. Knowing himself how to hide a part of yourself and worrying about the impression you give to others, he knew immediately that Severus Snape was not all he seemed.

Yes, he was undeniably quiet. But so was Remus. Just because he wasn't the chattiest member of the class didn't mean he was unfriendly or that he had nothing to say. From Severus' continuous high marks in most classes it was obvious he was intelligent, so he did possess the ability to string words together to form a coherent sentence. Yes, most perceived him to be a loner. But did Slytherins really do the whole 'friends' thing? Most were cocky, arrogant, selfish and fiercely competitive whilst not playing by the rules. Severus was none of these things; he did not acknowledge his strong position as top in many classes, he did not play up in lessons or refuse to complete his homework with the retort that he didn't need the practice to ace the exams at the end of the year. Perhaps Severus and the other Slytherins were not compatible, maybe Severus didn't really belong in Slytherin. His cruel taunts and snide comments rolled off his tongue with considerable ease, though Remus quickly recognised this as not an attack, but a defence mechanism. He spent a lot of time in the library with his face submersed in a thick, dusty book which Remus knew because he himself was frequently in there doing homework or extra reading. He himself enjoyed reading, so why shouldn't others? Ugly. Remus tensed whenever he heard anyone call Severus that. To him, Severus was one of the most beautiful creatures he had ever had the pleasure to meet. His black hair fell elegantly over his forehead, stopping just at his dark eyes that had such a richness to them with a hint of mystery. His face was pale, just like Remus' and it had an air of femininity due to his defined cheekbones, whilst remaining quite masculine with his strong jaw. His lips were thin and always pulled down at the corners, which upset Remus, as he longed to see the other boy smile; to smile at him. Just thinking about it made him shiver. To him, Severus Snape was perfect.

"Hey, Severus. Looks like you're stuck with me for this project." Remus said, pulling out a quill from his bag and placing it on the desk in front of him.

"It won't be for long, thank Merlin. Let's just get this over and done with as quickly as we can." Severus retorted.

"Oh. Right." Severus must have recognised the sadness in Remus' reply as he turned towards the sandy-haired boy.

"I mean, a Sytherin and a Griffindor Potions partners?" He said quickly, "what Griffindor wants to work with a Slytherin?"

"I do," Remus replied so quietly, he wasn't entirely sure if he did say them or whether he just thought them.

"Really?" Severus replied in a harsh, seemingly mocking tone.

Remus looked into the deep, dark eyes and saw a glimmer of something he had never before seen in Severus' eye but was unsure if he imagined it or not. "Really." Severus' lip twitched slightly at the corner, which Remus knew instantly was the beginnings of a smile and knew immediately that he was not imagining anything. The bell, however, prevented it from truly forming.

"I suggest you meet with your project partner during the weekend to decide which potion you will be attempting. Remember, the more difficult options will get you a much higher grade, but if you get it wrong it can lead to a fail. Presenting me a perfect potion from the easier options will still allow you to pass. Class dismissed." Slughorn roared over the racket of thirty students running towards the exit.

Remus purposely spilt the contents of his bag on the floor near his and Severus' desk and waved James and Sirius off when they made to come over and help him. Kneeling on the floor beside the jumbled mess of his belongings, Remus happily saw one pair of black boots fixed to the spot.

"Need a hand?" Said an unsure voice.

Remus looked up at Severus and smiled warmly at him. "I'd love one, thanks."

The smile was not returned, but the gleam in Severus' eye was still apparent as he kneeled down next to Remus. In a true clichéd fashion, they both reached for the same book resulting in Remus' hand resting on top of Severus'. Neither pulled away. Remus looked at the other boy, mixed emotions in his eyes; was this confirmation that his feelings were reciprocated? Severus, however, cleared his throat as soon as Remus turned towards him and pulled his hand away quickly. Throwing a few scattered quills and pieces of parchment into Remus' bag, Severus stood up avoiding the other boy's eye.

"I'll – er – see you Monday then...stupid projects," he muttered quietly, before hurriedly walking to the classroom door.

"But we need to decide on our Potion –" Remus began, but it fell on deaf ears; Severus was already gone.

* * *

That night, Severus lay awake with a million different thoughts floating about his mind. Desperately trying to make sense of the day's strange events was not easy. Though it began and ended with one common denominator; Remus Lupin.

Severus had, for some time now, noticed the quiet, shy Griffindor. He had no idea why he looked out for him every meal in the Great Hall, silently wondering what culinary choice he would opt for. Why in every lesson he shared with him he watched his innocent, pale face as he concentrated on the Professor's words, desperately trying to absorb them. He listened to every word he said, though he spoke precious few times in classes, choosing not to raise his hand to answer questions that it was highly probable he knew the answers to. When walking down the corridor, he even managed to go somewhat unnoticed by most people. Always seen with his protectors, Black and Potter with the small, beady eyed Pettigrew that followed them around, seemingly overjoyed to be associated with the two most popular boys in school. Remus, however, never acknowledged the status that Black and Potter brought with them. Although he was, along with Pettigrew, the closest to the two boys, not many people could name him or pick him out in a crowd. It was as though he had the power to become invisible in even the most crowded of places. But Severus always noticed him. It was as though an invisible barrier surrounded the Griffindor, preventing people from getting to know him. A barrier Severus was far too accustomed to himself.

The only thing Severus could not fathom was _why_ he was so interested in Remus Lupin. A Griffindork? The whole lot of them were pathetic, needy, fake and so superficially 'perfect'. A Slytherin like himself should have no interest in a skinny, pale boy from such an opposing House. But he did. It was fast becoming an obsession which, until today, remained hidden in Severus' mind only. But Lupin messed that up. Idiot Griffindor, looking at him with those soft, warm, amber eyes and smiling at him as though he was the most important person in the world.

"_I mean, a Sytherin and a Griffindor Potions partners?" He said quickly, "what Griffindor wants to work with a Slytherin?"_

"_I do,"_

"_Really?"_

"_Really."_

But what did that even mean? Had Remus noticed him in the same way he'd noticed him? Had he longed for the opportunity to get to know him better? Severus rubbed his eyes and sighed. Of course not, how could he possibly want to get closer to a greasy-haired, sarcastic Slytherin like himself? And how close did Severus want to get to Remus anyway? Friendship was the only thing he wanted, wasn't it? He couldn't possibly _fancy_ him; he wasn't gay. No way. He just found the other boy interesting and a potential friend, that was all. But Remus already had friendship with Black and Potter...he didn't want to compete with those two dunderheads, nor did he think he would be content with a third of the boy's attention, a quarter if you counted Pettigrew. But if he wasn't happy with that then he must...really like him. More-than-is-normal-for-a-teenage-boy like him.

Severus rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow, forcing the truth that he wasn't looking at Remus as a friend out of his head as he willed sleep to take over his body and mind.

* * *

Remus was far too excited to sleep. Severus Snape spoke to him today, hell, he even smiled at him! Well, almost. He wondered if he was reading too much into his brief conversation with the Slytherin. Severus could have just been messing with him to get to James and Sirius. It was no secret that they and Severus was somewhat enemies; they never had a good word to say about each other, a hex was a certainty if the three of them passed in the corridor. Did Severus acknowledge his close friendship with the marauders and plan to use him to get to them, feigning hope in his eyes that Remus liked him, pretending to be flustered when their hands touched?

Remus tried to push away the stinging in his eyes that indicated the threat of tears falling. Surely no one was capable of faking emotion in one's eyes purely for revenge. Revenge is an angry and bitter path that no one could follow with tenderness in their voice.

He succeeded in convincing himself that the spark between himself and Severus was very real and that it was noticed by both of them; why else did Severus run off? Falling asleep quicker than usual, Remus lost himself in dreams of Severus Snape's smile.

* * *

Severus awoke to a loud bang outside the drapes surrounding his bed. Drawing them back quickly, he jumped out to find Lucius Malfoy with the look of upmost guilt upon his face.

"What are you doing?" Severus asked.

Malfoy shrugged. "Nothing. Why are you up so early?"

"I heard movement, what was it?"

"I fell out of bed, Snape. Any more questions?" Malfoy looked and sounded thoroughly irritated at the disruption of whatever he was doing. Snape was highly suspicious of his room-mate's shifty behaviour, but was still so lost in his own thoughts from last night that he found himself not caring what the other Slytherin was doing.

"Fine. No more questions," Severus replied curtly. "Just try and be just a little more considerate; it's Saturday and I'm now awake at six am because of you."

"Excuse me?" Malfoy's face contorted suddenly with anger. "Who the hell do you think you're talking to, Snape? Eh?" He stood closer to Severus, a mere inch from his face. His pale blue eyes were cold and uncaring, his threatening posture began to make Severus extremely uncomfortable and nervous.

"Sorry, Lucius," he mumbled, not daring to break the eye contact.

"I don't think you are, but I'll let this slide just this once. I have more important things to do than stand here wasting my breath on a dirty little half-blood like you." His lip curled. "Just take this as a friendly warning, Snape. Now get out of my sight."

Severus didn't need telling twice. He walked as quickly as he could to his wardrobe, yanking out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before heading, just as quickly, to the bathroom downstairs. When he locked the bathroom door behind him, he let out a sigh of relief. He momentarily forgot himself; everyone knew not to mess with Lucius Malfoy, but in the shock of being woken so abruptly and the muddled thoughts in his brain, Severus was thinking far from clearly.

After showering and changing into his clothes, he opted to magically shrink his pyjamas rather than risk seeing Malfoy again when putting them back in the dormitory. His guess was right; it had just gone six o'clock and he was positive that no one else would be awake this early and in the Great Hall having breakfast, save a Quidditch team trying to cram in extra practice. Knowing he was not about to walk into a crowded room full of people ready to judge him, he relaxed and set off to breakfast without the customary tight knot in his stomach.

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The sun had barely risen in the sky when Remus was fully dressed, sitting on his bed and swinging his legs over the edge. He was far too excited to sleep; overnight he had formulated a plan to go and see Severus with the cover of needing to speak to him about the Potions project. He hoped, however, to persuade the other boy to spend the whole day with him and prayed by the end of it to know for sure Severus Snape's feelings towards him.

He was secretly glad that Sirius and James were still fast asleep, the former snoring gently. Remus had no idea how the two of them would react to the knowledge that he, Remus, had the mother of all crushes on a Slytherin. More importantly, the very Slytherin that they themselves hated with a passion. They would surely be angry, tell Remus that he was being stupid, else believe that Severus had put him under a spell. He cared about his friends more than he could put into words, everything they had done for him was overwhelming and he still found himself with a lump in his throat when any of them referred to their successful Animagus forms. But he could not put the feelings of his friends before his own this time; his feelings for Severus were something he had never before felt and he wasn't even sure if they were reciprocated. There was no point in thinking about 'what ifs' before he knew for sure.

Ensuring he did not wake the rest of the Marauders with their creaky dormitory door, he tiptoed out and made his way to the Great Hall to have a hearty breakfast and to work up his courage for what he was about to do.

The aroma of a thousand different breakfast options hit his nose before he had even reached the Entrance Hall. Smiling at his stomach's approved rumble, he entered the Great Hall and scanned it as he approached the Griffindor table. It was completely empty, not even a teacher in sight. Remus had suspected that perhaps the Headmaster would have risen early as he usually did every morning, but he was not sitting in his high backed throne-like chair at the staff table. Not fazed at all at the silence in the room, Remus tucked into some bacon, sausages and scrambled eggs.

He had just began to butter a slice of toast when, to his delight, a very familiar dark figure strolled into the Hall.

"Severus!" Remus exclaimed happily, waving the boy over. He saw him hesitate before approaching Remus and taking a seat opposite him.

"You're up early, Lupin." He said in his customary monotone voice, reaching to his left to get a piece of toast.

"So are you," Remus replied quietly, putting down his piece of toast and wiping the crumbs off his fingers. He suddenly felt nervous and his appetite disappeared as quickly as it came. He folded his hands in his lap and stared at them for a few minutes, hearing Severus finish his piece of toast and then feeling his eyes burning him. He looked up to, indeed, see Severus staring at him who immediately swallowed loudly and looked away. Remus smiled slightly at the realisation that Severus was perhaps just as nervous as him.

"What are you smirking at?" Severus asked, having chanced a look at Remus again.

"Nothing, I just...doesn't matter." He smiled at the Slytherin in a reassuring way to show him he wasn't laughing at him. "I'm glad we've bumped into each other actually, we never decided on our Potion." Severus looked completely confused. "You know, our project that Slughorn gave us yesterday." Realisation dawned on Severus' face and Remus chuckled at how adorable he looked when he was confused.

"Of course. Well, I have nothing planned-"

"Great, neither do I! I'm yours all day!" Remus joked.

Severus' pale cheeks filled suddenly with pinkness and he looked decidedly at his plate. "Lupin, I'd rather you just told me when your idiot friends were going to do, whatever prank it is you're planning so I know, instead of this ridiculous cover of yours."

Remus gaped at him. Prank? Cover? What was he talking about? "I don't understand."

Severus seemed to have regained some more confidence, as he crossed his arms across his chest and glared at Remus. "I'm not stupid, Lupin. This isn't a nice little day out, you, Black and Potter have something planned."

"Sirius and James? But they're asleep still...they don't even know I'm with you. I-"

"I refuse to be a part of this. If they want to try and belittle and embarrass me tell them to at least have the decency to do it themselves instead of sending you to do it for them. It's disgusting and cowardly, but I guess I cannot expect anything less from Griffindors." And with that, Severus stood up and hurried out of the Great Hall leaving Remus confused, his eyes full of tears.

* * *

He didn't know where he was going, he just desperately wanted to get away from Remus. The whole thing was a set up; it was obvious now. Why would Remus start talking to him so suddenly, why would he be up so early and why on earth would he want to spend the day with a Slytherin his close friends detested? He didn't know if he was more upset at Remus for appearing so sweet and innocent whilst planning a prank on him or with himself for firstly trusting the Griffindor and secondly, for not seeing the situation for what it was because of some desperate hope that Remus liked him. It was ridiculous, a Griffindor and a Slytherin. Another boy, for Merlin's sake. He didn't even know what he expected to happen, Remus Lupin declare his undying love for him?

Severus sighed deeply and looked up to find that his feet had carried him to the lake. He picked up a stone from the grass and threw it as hard as he could, trying to vent out some of his anger.

"Careful, you might hurt the giant squid." Said a quiet and very familiar voice. Severus wheeled around to face a sad looking Remus, hands in his jeans pockets and eyes staring at the ground.

"Is that what you think of me?" He asked, still not looking at Severus.

"What?" Severus asked, not knowing what Remus meant.

"Is that what you think of me?" Remus repeated, "That I'm nothing more than the slave of Sirius and James. That I go around deceiving people just to make sure they're in the right place at the right time to be at the receiving end of a prank?"

"I-"

"I'm not." Remus said firmly, finally looking the Slytherin in the eye. "I'm my own person, I do what I want to do. I'm not like that, I like a joke just as everyone does, but I do not go around humiliating and hurting others just because someone tells me to. I'm not a monster." Remus said the last four words as though they caused him great pain, and the look in his eye made Severus lost for words.

"I just thought that the logical reason for your sudden interest in me was because of something Black and Potter had planned." Severus mumbled, not sure if he was ashamed of himself for believing Remus was lying or because he was starting to believe that Remus may just have wanted to discuss the project.

"Just because they curse you when they soon as look at you does not mean I do the same. Look, they're my friends but it doesn't mean I agree with everything they do."

"You've never done anything, said anything to stop them."

"Would you have appreciated it? A Griffindor saving you from a beating? Would my friends have appreciated it? Me sticking up for a Slytherin when I should be on their side?" Remus removed his hands from his pockets and ran his hands through his hair. "I never joined in. I don't want to get involved only to make my friends angry at me. They mean a lot to me but it is not my grudge, not my fight. It's got nothing to do with me."

"I know." There was a silence that Severus felt stretched for hours until he finally plucked up the courage to speak again. "So why then?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you talking to me, wanting to stick up for me?"

"I would have thought that was obvious."

"Spell it out for me."

"I like you, Severus."

Secerus gaped at him another silence fell between the two boys for several long minutes. "I-you...but I'm a Slytherin, I'm always horrible to you, why on earth would you like me of all people?"

"Because I know you don't mean it." Remus stepped closer to Severus, there was now barely a foot between them. "It's a defence mechanism, I recognised it immediately."

Severus flinched and bit his lip. "What makes you think that?" He spat.

"When you're afraid of everyone hating you, judging you, thinking they know you because of where you come from, who you hang around with," he swallowed loudly, "what you are..." he paused. "You go into one of two modes; you go quiet, make yourself invisible and avoid attracting attention to yourself, you say what others want to hear, do what others want you to do and never make enemies. Or, you close off to everyone around you, make no friends and are unkind to everyone. You see, when you're horrible to everyone else you know for a fact that they will hate you for it." He paused once more, studying Severus' face, "and that way, you don't give them the chance to hate the real you. You save yourself the rejection and the hurt of baring your soul to someone only for them then to turn around and slap you in the face. People hate the mask you wear, Severus, because you will not allow them to get to know you. The real you."

"I – you're talking rubbish," he replied feebly, shocked at Remus' pretty accurate description of his behaviour.

"Am I? Let me get to know you, the Severus in there." He placed his hand on Severus' chest causing his heart to start beating erratically. Remus must have noticed, as he began to smile.

"I haven't got you wrong, have I Severus? Only I've been watching you so long that I don't think I can be wrong."

Severus was completely taken back. "Watching me?"

Remus blushed. "You... interested me. I can draw so many parallels between us just from the little scraps of information I've picked up. I just wanted to get to know you better to see what, if anything, we have in common."

"Parallels?" Severus raised his eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Like, you're quiet, I'm quiet. Your favourite meal is Sheppard's pie, just like mine. You're pretty intelligent judging by your test marks, and I'm – you know, not bad," Severus smirked at his modesty. "You spend a lot of time in the library-"

"Great." Interrupted Severus, "I'm a quiet geek who loves the library and scoffs Sheppard's pie all the time?"

Remus sniggered. "Yep, that's pretty much you in a nutshell!"

Severus couldn't help it; he smiled. It had been such a very long time since someone had made him want to genuinely smile, but here Remus was succeeding where all others had failed. Remus was mesmerised as he watched the other boy's face completely transform. Severus' eyes lit up, his mouth parted beautifully revealing perfect white teeth, even his posture seemed different; his shoulders were back confidently as opposed to his usual slouch. It was then that Remus felt an uncomfortable squirm in his stomach, realising he was openly staring at Severus.

"So...um can we forget everything else, everyone else." Remus said softly.

Severus nodded gently, "no Black, no Potter, no house rivalry. Just two –" he paused, "friends."

Remus smiled, "friends."

Well, they had to start somewhere.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, nor are any of the places. If Sevvy and Remy were mine, they'd still be alive :'( **

**A special thank you to ****rowan-greenleaf as without your kind review it is doubtful I would have wrote another chapter. I still would really appreciate any feedback on this story, even if it's just to say that you don't like it. Criticism means the world to me as I am very new to all of this. Thank you so much ******

**Summary: Falling from cloud 9, Severus is shocked into admitting a few things to himself and Remus has problems of his own.**

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Chapter 2: Acceptance

The next few weeks, in Severus' opinion were probably the best in his life. He had, for the first time in his life, a real friend who cared about him. Never before had he ever relaxed in the presence of another person. Remus was right; he closed off to everyone else. It was just what he had learnt from previous experience; don't trust anyone because they are just out for what they can get. But now, he didn't wander the corridors alone, scared of judgemental stares, he walked with Remus feeling as though no one could hurt him. Nothing fazed him, he could even deal with Black and Potter whenever he encountered either of them. He never grappled for his wand at first sight the popular Griffindors, he smirked in true Snape fashion. After all, he had Remus' attention despite all the odds. He knew just how much it would anger the two of them to know how close he had got to their 'property'. And yet, he never told them; he had no reason to. The mere knowledge of it was enough and he knew it would just cause problems for Remus if they knew anyway, which was the last thing he wanted.

No one noticed their walks together, nor their little chats packed with private jokes. They did not pick up on the fact that they sat together in all the lessons they shared, not even Remus' fellow marauders knew. Professor Slughorn made sure of this.

It was precisely one week after they first were paired together, presenting Slughorn their own version of the Remembeis Potion. Traditionally, when drunk, the potion caused the individual to be reminded of a particular task that had escaped their mind. The side effects, however, sometimes included the drinker to only remember the fact that they had forgotten something, but not the specific and vital details. In addition, the individual could jump up from whatever it was they were doing in order to carry out their forgotten task, regardless of the time of day or the inappropriateness to do their desired behaviour. In Severus and Remus' modified version, the Potion triggered the individual to write the forgotten task on a piece of parchment without effecting their free will or consciousness. The Potions Master was so overjoyed at their work that he gave them 612 for their project, an award and whole-heartedly informed all the other teachers how well the two boys worked together. Naturally, they were then paired together in most of their other classes giving them a perfect opportunity to talk to one another whilst providing them with a certified reason for spending extra time together. It was perfect.

* * *

November flourished quickly and brought with it beautifully dazzling snow. Remus loved this time of year, he preferred colder weather and the buzzing anticipation of the festive season.

"It's just so rare," Remus explained as Severus rolled his eyes.

"You sentimental git," he teased.

"Shut up!" Remus exclaimed, shoving the other boy and causing him to fall sideways.

Sitting back up and wrapping his arms around his knees, Severus smiled to himself. Sometimes when they were together like this, he would lose himself and forget that they were two people from a very different life, that they couldn't laugh and joke with one another without justifying it, that they met in obscure and hidden places. They couldn't even wave to one another in the Great Hall; it was just not acceptable behaviour for a Griffindor and a Slytherin.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"There's a Hogsmade trip soon, did you see the notice?"

"Yes. I'm not blind, they're everywhere. The 22nd."

"Yeah," Remus blushed slightly and turned away from Severus. "I just wondered if you wanted to, you know – I mean, I'd understand completely if you didn't but-"

"Moony!" Cried a familiar male voice. "I see you've found Snivellius. Giving him some tips on washing his hair? Only he could do with a few."

"Nice one, Padfoot," cheered another all too familiar Marauder voice.

Remus stopped listening. He was silently fuming at his supposed friends' behaviour when he was quite clearly trying to ask out the person he really liked. Well, they didn't know that, but...

"...EXPELLIARMUS!" Cried James, as a flash of red light exploded from his wand. Just in time, Remus stepped in front of Severus and received the force of the spell. He was propelled backwards, his wand torn from his grip and landed on the concrete path with a thump. All he could remember seeing were three confused faces and one very concerned pale face whispering his name, before darkness covered his eyes.

* * *

"I said, OUT!" Exclaimed an angry female voice. Remus opened his eyes and squinted at the bright lights and pervading whiteness surrounding him; he was in the Hospital Wing.

The door was slammed shut and Remus heard a sigh.

"Oh, you're awake, Mr Lupin!" Smiled Madam Pomfrey, standing over him. "How do you feel?"

"Fine," answered Remus honestly before attempting to sit up. Without warning, a searing pain erupted in the back of his head as though his head was splitting open. He cried out in pain.

"Careful, now," Madame Pomfrey whispered, gently pushing him back down. "Here, drink this, it should ease the pain." Remus did as instructed, accepting a small goblet of a pink substance. As soon as it passed his throat, he could feel a warming sensation in the back of his head leaving a comfortable tingling sensation. "You gave us quite a scare."

"What happened?" He asked.

"You were at the receiving end of a spell, my dear. Knocked backwards, you were at least six feet in the air when you fell head first onto the ground." She shook her head. "We were so worried when you wouldn't wake up. The Headmaster was very anxious about your welfare-"

"What? How long have I been out for?"

"Four days," answered the nurse, pushing her patient back down as he tried to sit up again. "We were all set to transfer you to St Mungo's if you didn't wake by the morning. It was quite a long time to be unconscious for after a simple cracked skull. Usually I have someone up and out within an hour."

Remus squeezed his eyes shut. "So why didn't I wake up in an hour?"

"That's uncertain at this moment in time. I've run some tests on you and I should be receiving the results for them in a few days."

Remus felt lost; he'd been unconscious for four days. Four days of his life were gone. And why did he black out for so long? Surely there couldn't be anything else wrong with him? He prayed that it was just the spell's doing.

"You've been very popular, though!" Smiled Madam Pomfrey. "I had to literally throw Mr Snape out earlier, he simply wouldn't leave! Very concerned about you, he was."

Remus' heart skipped a beat. "He came to see me?"

"Oh yes, every night after curfew. When you were brought in, Misters Potter, Black and Pettigrew were also there. A nasty fight broke out between them and Mr Snape, it took the eaHHH

Headmaster himself to break them apart! Snape has been visiting you every night I think to avoid any more clashes with your friends."

Remus was momentarily lost for words. He didn't know which part of that information to focus on first. Severus was visiting him _every _night. James, Sirius and Peter got into a fight with him; about what? Did they know? Had they guessed? Were they in trouble for fighting?

The opening of the Hospital Wing doors roused Remus from his thoughts; it was the Headmaster.

"Ahh Remus, my dear boy! How are you?" He asked warmly, sitting down on a chair next to Remus' bed.

"Fine, thank you Professor," he croaked out unconvincingly.

"Of course, I wouldn't expect you to admit when you were in pain, you are so very modest, Remus." He nodded towards the boxes of chocolate frogs at the bottom of his bed. "Your admirers have missed you, I'm sure Madam Pomfrey has informed you of what happened?" Remus nodded. "I wondered, if you were feeling up to it, you could tell me your version of events." He smiled, allowing Remus to say if he was feeling too unwell.

"Yes, Headmaster," Remus replied. "Well, me and Severus were sitting by the lake, er-talking about a project-" he muttered quickly, "when James, Sirius and Peter came over and, well I'm sorry, I don't know exactly what happened because I didn't really know what to do. Then I heard James shout 'expelliarmus' at Severus, and I think I stepped in front of him so he didn't get hit. Anyway, then I kind of blacked out."

The Headmaster nodded and then stroked his long, white beard. "Indeed that is the story I have heard from your friends. However, what I wanted to get to the bottom of was why Mr Potter felt the need to use magic upon Mr Snape. Misters Potter, Black and Pettigrew inform me that Mr Snape was unkind to them and provoked them. Mr Snape, on the other hand, naturally insists he did nothing of the sort. I was hoping to clear up the matter with your assistance."

Remus bit his lip. "I-"

Dumbledore held up his hand to stop him. "You feel trapped between the two, possibly? You wish to neither discredit your fellow Griffindors or Mr Snape. It is curious, Remus, that you have been spending a lot of time with Mr Snape recently."

Remus immediately blushed uncontrollably, which he was certain the Headmaster must have noticed. "Well, we're partnered in most of our classes-"

"My boy, I am not insinuating there is anything wrong with it whatsoever! You can never have too many friends!" Dumbledore surveyed the boy over his golden spectacles, his blues eyes twinkling and Remus had the distinct feeling that he knew everything. This made him blush even more.

Madame Pomfrey came over and began to fuss over her patient. "Ah, it seems I must leave you now so you can recover your strength." He stood up and winked. "I do hope you are feeling better soon, Mr Lupin."

After the Headmaster had left, Remus felt positively confused. The lights had dimmed now, so he assumed it was now evening. Which meant that it had to be...he strained unsuccessfully to see the window.

"Yes, Remus." Said a soft voice, "it's tomorrow night."

Remus' chest tightened and he began to breathe far too quickly. He had barely woken from a four day coma and tomorrow night was full moon, how was he supposed to cope with that? Seemingly knowing exactly what he was worried about, Pomfrey began to try and calm him down until the doors once again opened.

"Sorry, I know it's late, but I heard Remus was awa-" the voice stopped at the sight in front of him. Remus heard someone run over to him and a small, pale hand touched his cheek.

"Sev'rus?" he choked.

"Shhhh," replied Severus, nodding at the nurse to assure her he could deal with Remus. "Don't speak, just calm yourself."

Remus felt a comforting hand stroke his hair and his eyes fluttered closed. Slowly, his breathing returned to normal and his chest began to loosen. He leaned into the hand and covered it with one of his own. "Sorry, Severus I didn't know James was going to find us, let alone try to hex you, I-"

"Hush Remus, I know all of that. Believe me, I know. I don't care about any of that, okay? I just care about you, so please just get better. I was so worried when you wouldn't wake up..." his voice trailed off as Remus recognised suppressed emotion in his voice. He gripped his hand tighter. "I'll leave you to sleep now, it's late. But I'll come and see you tomorrow night."

Remus bit his lip; he wouldn't be there tomorrow night.

"No, Mr Snape!" Cried Madame Pomfrey on hearing those words. "Mr Lupin needs rest, and plenty of it! I will be preventing anyone from coming to see him for a few days so he can recover completely without disruption."

"But I want-"

"No," Pomfrey said firmly.

"S'ok Severus, I'll be fine soon. See you in a few days, yeah?" He squeezed the Slytherin's hand making him smile.

"Ok," Severus' genuine smile made Remus' heart skip a beat as he left the room.

"Thanks." Said Remus quietly to Madame Pomfrey, who nodded at him and turned the light off indicating for him to sleep.

* * *

Severus didn't know whether to cry or laugh or both. The previous few days had been some of the longest of his life. Every morning he awoke with a smile on his face before realising what had happened, making him thoroughly miserable and particularly anxious as he tried to discover news on Remus' condition. Each lesson dragged for days without the comforting presence of Remus, his mind could not concentrate on his work and his grades had begun slipping. It all came down to one reason; he missed Remus Lupin.

Every night after curfew, Severus would make the familiar trek down to the hospital wing to see how the patient was. After the trivial fight with the Griffindorks that called themselves Remus' friends, he had opted to stay out of their way which meant visiting Remus at night. He suspected that Dumbledore was happy no more conflict would take place with this arrangement as both he and Madame Pomfrey knew, yet they did not stop him.

The first time he visited Remus was a few hours after the incident and he found himself quite shocked with the image presented in front of him. Remus was so pale, so small and fragile that Severus just wanted to pick him up and hold him whilst whispering that everything was going to be okay. Something inside him stirred and he did the only thing he could; he cried for the first time since he was a small boy.

The sheer extremity of the fear Severus felt when he unwillingly contemplated the possibility losing his first and only friend succeeded in forcing him to admit to himself the truth. He finally recognised that he had real, deep feelings for the shy Griffindor that were too strong for purely friendship. Nothing and no one would stop how he felt and, for now, he would just have to hide his scars and hope with all his heart that Remus felt something for him in return.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, nor are any of the places. If Sevvy and Remy were mine, they'd still be alive :'( **

**This is for all those who have taken the time to read my story, thank you. And for ****cayxcay who said they wanted more! Again, I don't want to appear like I'm bugging everyone for reviews, but guidance is welcomed so if you like the story, then please give me a shout if you think my characterisations are dodgy or if the plot is boring or just to say you like/hate it. Thanks!**

**Summary: Remus deals with the full moon and Severus has his own nightmares to contend with.**

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Chapter 3: Moonlit Ghosts

The wind roared louder, irritating the questionable structure of the Shrieking Shack. Twilight was upon Remus, the sun fading for the day leaving behind the eerie blue-white moon to stretch across the starry sky, bigger than ever. The light it cast on the world below made Remus shiver, its presence prickling his skin uncomfortably; it was not going to be a good month.

"Hey, it's going to be okay, Moony," said a soft voice as Sirius, having transformed back into himself, pulled him into a hug.

Remus sighed against his friend's chest. "I'm not ready, Pads."

Sirius held him tighter, muttering words of comfort. Behind them, a beautiful pure white stag and a small rat stood in silence, hoping their support would be enough for their friend. Remus could not express how happy and relieved he felt that his friends were not treating him differently because of his defensive behaviour over a certain disliked Slytherin. To his delight, the Marauders had finally drawn the conclusion that Remus was just trying to stop them receiving another detention, unaware of the effect the spell would have on him.

Remus let out a straggled gasp as the moonlight hit his arm, causing a jolt of lightening to course its way up to his shoulders and down his body. Sirius loosened his grip reluctantly.

"Transform," Remus choked as he bent over double, grabbing the threaded carpet beneath him as the pain became more intense. "Now."

Remus finally braved to look at the moon and his whole body immediately began to burn alive, his limbs shook with tremendous force, his eyes rolled back and the darkness took him and he knew no more.

* * *

Severus Snape looked up at the midnight sky and frowned at the moon, in its full glory. The light cast an eerie glow on his face and hands, making them appear ghostly white.

_A small, fragile looking boy of seven tried to squeeze himself into the narrow gap between his desk and wardrobe. The sound of heavy footsteps could be heard in the distance. The boy's breathing became too intense as he closed his eyes hoping the footsteps would pass by his door that night. But the footsteps became louder, closer. Tears streamed down the young boy's face as a loud creak indicated the opening of a door, light flooded the carpet in front of him as he desperately tried to hide himself better. A shadow appeared, blocking some of the light. A strong, foul stench of whisky reached the boy's nose. It was him._

"_You think you can hide from me?" Said a cold, drooling voice. _

_The shadow became larger. A sickly gasp of laughter rang through the room. The boy shivered, unable to contain his sobs. His eyes remained closed as he felt the familiar hot breath on his face, the stench of alcohol was unbearable._

"_You can't block me out, Severus." Said the sneering voice, "not your own father."_

_Severus opened his eyes after what felt like hours but knew was barely a minute. The cold, darkly disturbing face of his father was inches from his own. He wore a smug grin on his face; he knew who was in control. In one swift action, he lifted the boy from his hiding place and threw him onto the ground in the middle of the room. The first blow was the hardest; Severus knew that as he curled up into a ball on the rough floorboards, once again shutting his eyes tight. Tears leaked from his closed eyes as he tried to block out what was going on._

_The pain was no less unbearable and when all was done, he lay there unable to move, the only thing in his line of vision was the dark sky and the silver glowing orb that hung in its velvety blanket. The moon saw it all, and it was laughing at him._

Severus turned away and closed the curtains across the window, pushing away all the thoughts and feelings that began rushing through his mind. As he lay down on his bed, he wondered how Remus was and whether he was in any pain after the accident. Probably not, thought Severus, he'll be running around the hospital wing, giving Pompfrey hell trying to get him to lie down and rest.

At that thought, Severus smiled into his pillow. Outside, the distant howl of a wolf could be heard.

* * *

Piercing light flooded the room through the gap in the curtain, settling unwanted on Remus' face. He clenched his eyes closed tighter, trying to block out the light to prolong the much needed sleep. As always, it was an unsuccessful attempt and he groaned as his mind cleared reminding him of the previous night's transformation. He made every effort not to move, but all the joints in his body burned intensely regardless, causing him to let out a small murmur in pain. No matter how many times he had to endure this, it never got any more bearable, nor did he become even slightly accustomed to it.

He pondered on the thought of attempting to go back to sleep under the warm covers, however he knew any such attempt would be useless now he was aware of the tingling pain in his body. He gingerly opened his eyes to see the, by now, very familiar interior of the Hospital Wing. The curtains beside his bed were open, allowing Remus to see the whole of the room. There was not a single other person in there except Madame Pomfrey sitting at her desk in her office. It was unusual for him to see the room in its entirety; he was mostly kept hidden in a corner bed as to not arouse suspicion that he was there every month. He had to admit waking to the warm sunlight falling upon his face was one of the nicest ways to awake, despite the continuous pain he still felt.

After a few minutes of just laying there, Remus resolved to try and sit up. Resting his weight on his arms to push himself up, he shrieked in pain as his weary limbs rejected the strain causing him to fall down again. At this, he heard a nearby door open and footsteps.

"You foolish boy, what do you think you are doing?" Asked Pomfrey.

"Sorry," he muttered. "jus' wanted to sit up 'bit."

Pomfrey gave him a stern look and then smiled. "Mr Lupin you are impossible." She said, hurrying off to get him some breakfast, a smile faint on her lips.

* * *

Severus kept his promise, he did not attempt to visit Remus again in the hospital wing for a few days; three to be precise. On the third day, however, he needn't keep his promise any longer as, sitting and laughing at the Griffindor table, pale but clearly better, was Remus. He smiled very genuinely at the sight in front of him. Remus had looked so small and fragile in that Hospital Wing bed and it had really affected the Slytherin unlike ever before. He had just wanted to look after Remus since, protect him and make sure nothing bad ever happened to him.

He still could not comprehend the fact that Remus had stood in front of him, taking the spell's force. It was the first and only time he could recall that anyone had put him first, the only time anyone had ever protected him and he certainly wanted to do the same for Remus. He shuddered as a stream of painful memories threatened to open wounds he had tried so hard to heal. The scars followed him around like a ghostly presence making sure he could not forget. Severus believed that was why he was so overwhelmed with Remus' behaviour when Potter aimed the spell at him. Throughout his life, no one had ever thought him important enough to save, not special enough. Yet Remus must have wanted to protect him, to save him. So surely, he must think him important, perhaps...special. Severus grinned at this thought.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: I am sooooo sorry for not updating this sooner. I put all my work on a memory stick and then – yeah you've guessed it, I lost it!! Anyway enough excuses from me, just apologies, and I hope someone is still interested in reading this story *hopes and prays***

**Disclaimer: I own nothing :'(**

**I'm still not very happy with this chapter tbh, but I really want to move on and keep writing instead of being stuck on it for too long, so I may just come back to it later. I also think maybe it's a good idea to get someone to beta read my stuff? So if anyone's interested, just contact me!**

**Anyway, please read and reviews are very welcome :)**

**Pebbles x**

**Chapter 4: Lost**

"Settle down." Said Professor McGonagall, silencing the class instantly. "Today we will begin a very complex transformation spell, so you had better listen very carefully otherwise it could go horribly wrong-"

Severus smiled to himself, how could anything go wrong when sitting merely metres away from him was Remus? Sitting at the back, of course with his three moronic friends who were doing anything but listening carefully. Remus, on the other hand, had his large amber eyes fixed on the professor, quill poised in hand and a small slither of pink tongue poking out between his lips in concentration. Severus shivered and resisted the overwhelming urge to rush over to him, smooth his hair from his face and kiss him. At that moment, Remus chose to look around the room, his gaze falling upon the Slytherin staring back at him. He smiled warmly, and mouthed 'hello' making Severus uncharacteristically blush until he saw one black messy-haired head turn towards his Remus. Severus was unable to make out what the two were saying, but knew that it wasn't a positive conversation.

His mind's inability to concentrate on anything but the argument Remus may or may not have had caused him to fail the demonstration of the spell they were meant to be practicing, losing Slytherin five House Points. He hoped that he would get to talk to the other boy, hoping that Remus was not being judged by his so-called friends just for smiling at him. Severus found his hate for these Griffindors were nothing compared to how much he had grown to care about Remus, anger cooling and replaced by concern. He thought of the first time they spoke to one another and a plan immediately formulated in his head, his wand poised at the seam of his bag for when the bell rang.

***

"Wheeeeeey!" Exclaimed Sirius, slapping James on the back and jumping up from his seat. "Lunch time! I'm starving."

James, who had recovered from the blow by slapping Sirius across the head, stood also. "Come on, Moony. Stop feeling sorry for that greasy Slytherin and come with us."

Remus tensed at the negative comment. "I don't feel sorry for him." He stressed.

Sirius snorted. "I do! Fancy having a face like that!"

Remus stood up far too quickly, prepared to defend Severus when Severus' bag split open across the room. James and Sirius took the opportunity to tease the dark-haired boy whilst Peter sniggered appreciatively.

"Look, even the books are trying to get away from Snivellius!" Cried James, who was laughing harder as Severus turned away from them rather than retaliate.

"Good one, Prongs!" Cheered Sirius, before pulling them towards the exit. "Though, as much as I would love to stay and laugh at him, my stomach has other ideas. C'mon!"

Remus hovered close to Severus, wanting desperately to help him with his things and walk out of the room, a Griffindor and a Slytherin together, leaving everyone else to stare. But he couldn't. Sirius was pulling on his sleeve and James was still laughing. Time seemed to slow right down as Severus turned his head to lock eyes with him, his eyes bearing the hurt of Remus' silence. Remus wanted to tell him he was sorry, that he did want to help him, that he wanted them to be friends... but he couldn't. Sirius, James and Peter had done so much for him; they cared about him and looked after him. He needed them to get through a full moon, he couldn't do it alone.

Remus left the room after what felt like hours, unable to swallow the unpleasant lump in his throat as he was shamelessly led by his friends. He swore to himself that he wouldn't be like that; that he'd always stand up for what he believed, stand up for his friends. But here he was, doing the exact opposite. Severus' face did not leave his mind that day, he was there when Remus closed his eyes; that same hurt look. Their friendship was so fragile at that point, had Remus completely just destroyed it?

Lying in bed that night, the guilt consuming him did not ease. Knowing he would not sleep that night, Remus threw the covers off and pulled a quill and piece of parchment out of his bag, pulling the curtains tight around his bed.

_Severus, _he began, _please don't be angry with me – _angry? Severus wasn't angry, he was hurt. Remus sighed and screwed that piece up, throwing it at the end of his bed.

_Severus, _he wrote once more, _I can't sleep. I know that's not your fault, so why am I bothering you? It's because of today, when I walked away with James, Sirius and Peter when I should have stayed and helped you. Just like you did for me. I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't know what to do and I know I hurt you. I'm a coward, I don't know why you're even bothered about being my friend anyway. I'm nothing but a stupid coward, I couldn't stand up for you when you needed a friend, I took the easy option instead of doing what was right. I'm so sorry, I guess I should expect not to receive a reply. It's a miracle if you actually read this. But, if you are reading this Severus, go and find a friend who will look out for you, who will stand up for you always. You deserve that. I'm sorry. Remus._

Remus folded the piece of parchment and walked over to James' owl, tying the message to her leg. As he watched the golden owl fly away, he silently said goodbye to what he believed could have been something wonderful.

***

It was some ridiculously ungodly hour that an owl began pecking at his arm, making a wide awake Severus Snape even more irritated. He was about to swear revenge on whoever it was disturbing him from his attempts to block out just about everything and everyone when his breath hitched at the sight of some very familiar handwriting.

Wrenching the note from the owls grip, Severus half opened the letter and then stopped. Should he read it? After what Remus had done today; leaving him alone when he _knew _Severus wanted to talk to him, preferring to run off with his fellow Griffindorks, laughing at him. He threw the letter onto his bedside table, the tightness in his chest and the dryness in his throat bothering him more and more as the minutes ticked by.

But he wouldn't look at it. He couldn't look at it. How could he have been so stupid? Remus was using him, probably reporting back on everything he said with Black and Potter just so they could laugh at him again. All those blissful weeks of having someone beside him, someone to talk to, someone to laugh _with_. It was all fake, a lie and Severus knew it now. The hollowness inside him undoubtedly signified a true loss that Severus was wholeheartedly denying. What Remus meant to him after a few weeks, the way he made him feel just with his kind and caring attitude and the way he just accepted him, flaws and all, was something wonderful. Something he had never before shared and the tears that fell unwanted onto Severus' pillow confirmed the hurt it caused to lose the bond he had only ever dreamed of having with the shy and beautifully fragile Remus Lupin.

***

A week had passed since Remus had lost a small part of himself and he still could not shake off the melancholy that his friends had begun to notice.

"GUYS QUICK!" Cried Sirius, bounding into the dormitory, "The Slytherin Quidditch team have just started training and they've got a new seeker; a scrawny, blonde-haired and very scared looking boy! We've just _got _to have some fun with this!"

"You got something in mind, Padfoot?" Asked James, sitting up rapt with attention at a potential prank on the Slytherin Quidditch team.

"Of course," Sirius replied, slyly. "Come on!"

James and Peter made to follow their fellow Marauder when James paused, looking back at his friend laying still on his bed. "You not coming, Moony?"

"No, you go." Remus replied, continuing to stare aimlessly at the ceiling above him.

James pointed at the door and nodded to Siruis, indicating for them to leave him to talk to their friend.

Remus heard the closing of the dormitory door and sighed.

"That's a big sigh for a small guy." Said James. Remus sat up to see him making his way over to the bed. "Are you ok, Remus?" He asked softly, sitting down beside the smaller boy.

Remus noticed the tone of voice and the use of his given name. "I'm fine, James."

James tilted his head and surveyed him. "You're not sleeping, you're not eating and you can't concentrate him class. That does not say 'fine' to me."

Remus pulled his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around his legs. Closing his eyes he tried unsuccessfully to think of an excuse that could explain his recent behaviour.

"I'm sorry, I am trying." Remus said, truthfully. "I can't seem to shake this off, J. I just feel...well, nothing. I wake up in the morning, I go to classes and I go to sleep. That's it. I feel empty, James. I can't think straight and I don't feel like I'm...well, awake. I find myself walking and I don't know where I'm going or how I even got where I am." His eyes began to overflow, "I hate it, I really hate myself right now, I just want to crawl under my duvet and sleep forever and hope that when I wake up..."

James pulled Remus into a fierce hug, his eyes stinging from hearing such words from his friend. "I don't understand," he said. "Why do you feel like this, Remus? And why the hell didn't you talk to one of us earlier?"

"I can't...I couldn't." Remus began between sobs. "I don't understand myself, I don't...I don't know why this hurts so much."

"Why what hurts, Re?" James asked, rubbing his back soothingly.

"It's...it's. You wouldn't get it, not really...it wasn't really anything...it was just a hope, it shouldn't matter this much to me." Words tumbled out of Remus' mouth to no one in particular, leaving his friend more confused.

"Is it to do with Moony?" James inquired, "is it the full moon? I know you always say that the pain should be getting better but it still might." James pulled his friend to face him. "Is that what all this is about?"

Remus knew he should deny that it was to do with his lycanthropy; he did not need people feeling sorry for him about that. He could handle it, he was used to it by now. But how could he explain to James Potter, enemy of one Severus Snape, that he, Remus, had some fanciful dream that never truly became a reality but now smashed, it tore him up inside? It was foolish, and Remus could not wrap his head around it. Severus was perhaps his friend, briefly before he messed it up but it wasn't perfect; they smiled at one another in secret, they talked in private and they never acknowledged the other in public. That wasn't a friendship, not really, let alone...something more. Did Remus honestly think that was how things would turn out like? He himself didn't understand what his feelings were towards Severus; perhaps he was just overwhelmed at the chance of attaining another friend, one more person that would stand by him and not judge him. All he knew was that the feelings he had towards the dark and mysterious Slytherin, whatever they were, were ones that he had never before experienced. He wanted to spend all his time with him, he missed him when he wasn't there, his thoughts never strayed far away and when he was with him, he felt like he could finally breathe; he felt relaxed, comfortable , being with him just felt so _right._ And having lost that, it filled him with such a strong sense of loss that he could not ignore.

"Yeah." Remus replied, unable to look his friend in the eye at such a blatant lie. "I'm sorry, I don't really want to talk about it and I feel better already, having gotten some of it off my chest."

"You sure?" James asked, concerned.

"Sure," Remus wiped the tears from his face, wishing that he could wipe away the memories and hopes just as easily.


End file.
